Validation...Is What Every Existance Needs.

Today, my therapist brought to life one single word and or feeling that was a relatively unknown thought for me. She said that "Every Existance Seeks Validation." Being validated or not as a child has a massive impact on the relationships that you will encounter as an adult and whether or not they will be postive or negative. For example, Someone who comes from an enviroment where validation has been confirmed, when a love romantic relationship ends, they do not hurt as bad. Where as, someone who enters into a relationship who stems from an enviroment where validation was not given, validation and self worth is again NOT found they are hurt more deeply than the other.

Do Your Eyes Light Up When I Enter Into The Room?? Most children notice this. Children exhibit emotions to communicate. A baby crys when he or she is hungry, sick, or needs assistance. Vocabularies cannot be formed to express things, so emotions are used. As toddlers, children are more apt to sense emotions of another than anything else. A child will notice if Your Eyes Light Up When They Walk Into A Room, OR if they are ignored. If a sense of ignored is felt, then validation has not been confirmed. Therefore, when they act out a parent is quick to quip "they are only crying because they want attention." In truth: Its more deeper than just attention. It is validation.

The relationship of my middle sister and I was very turbulent as children. I see more clearly now that with my being the oldest she felt she had to fight with me. Whether, it be shouting matches or vengeful acts it was still a sense of being acknowledged by me, therefore being validated. As we have matured and she has become a mother, we are not just brother and sister......but we are friends. I have come to learn that she has battled many of the same demons that I have. Ranging from self esteem issues to depression. She said that having another soul live and breathe through you and then bringing that soul into the worlkd, a child, was not only a gift. BUT a sense of validation.

My therapist also told me today that many relationships have ended because of more NON validation. When a couple argues about something, they aren't recognizing the real problem. Not haven been validated. Example: A wife complains to her husband that he doesn't take her out and do things with her anymore. The husband looks at this from a point of the wife only trying to start an argument, when in truth she is not. She is seeking validation. What she really wants to say is "HELLO!!! I'M OVER HERE!!!! DO YOU SEE ME??!!! RECOGNIZE ME!!??" My therapist says that the biggest mistake one makes when in a romantic relationship is that they believe in the "Happy Ever After." In truth, there is not. Weread about that as children. But just like Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy...it does not exist. There are always going to problems. Its moving from the begining called Romance into the second phase after committing known as Reality. While in the reality phase, you can always garnish moments of romance, not saying that. One has to realize that they are seperate entities. After the romantic get away, you are back to work, keeping house, paying bills, back to Reality.

I learned a great lesson today while in therapy. I hope to apply this to the relationships that i have today with other people, mainly friends, family and Mark. I look forward to my next friday therapy session.