Well, my trip to the therapist proved very informative and helpful to me. The main focus of my visit today was "the problem" I had that I explained in my previous entry, that Re' was so wonderful to help me with. So, basically after explaining what happed to my therapist we found ourselves on the journey/topic of Happiness.

"Being Happy is one way of being wise" she stated. And like me, there are others in the world who have a great marriage, have wonderful friends and etc but still find themselves missing something. That something is never easy to put your finger on, so usually many chalk it up to being unhappy. So, why does happiness seem so out of reach sometimes? You see it, you reach for it but it's like grasping at water. It's fruitile. It's a constitutional right they say to be happy. Is happiness a fate or a choice? When does my happiness become your pain? What truly makes us happy, if we are honest?

My therapist informed me that everyone is born with a happiness "set point". It's genitics. From the feeling of giddiness to grumpy. Some are more apt to become depressed than others. But, we all can change that in some way. By choosing healthier situations and enviroments that we place ourselves in. Sometimes, its even healthy if we just ACT happy when things are not exactly how we want them or had planned them to be. We are better off aiming for happiness on a moment to moment basis rather than trying to conjour happiness through long term planning. As human beings we usually overestimate how things will affect us and rarely underestimate them therefore causing a great deal of miswanting and thus equals a state of unhappiness. None of us should concentrate on the feeling's of how we fall short, it too only invites a sense of discontentment. Why do we do this ourselves?
It's time to concentrate on happiness. Finding it, grabbing it and holding onto it. We aren't going to find it in an anitidepressant......We can't numb or dull our pain in any pill form. It's a daily fight that has to come from within.

So, I am going to keep a gratitude journal, take control of my own time and continue on with the practice of forgiveness. Not only forgiving others, but forgiving myself everyday for whatever. In the end happiness is a choice. The more we remember that life is a gift, that everything changes.... that we are never in complete total control.....the stronger our senses of well being becomes. Happiness can withstand all of that. It only takes a bit of wisdom.

So, what is the first thing I thought of that makes me happy.

Belinda Carlisle.....Summer Rain


Remembering being a kid,singing and dancing,envisioning that it was I whom Belinda was singing about. Slow dancing with my handsome soldier in the Warm Summer Rain, while at the train station as he was about to board the train that would carry him away to war. Belinda Carlisle's "Summer Rain."

Summer Rain
(Robbie Seidman/Maria Vidal)

Whispering our goodbyes
Waiting for a train
I was dancing with my baby
In the summer rain
I can hear him saying
Nothing will change
Come dancing with me baby
In the summer rain

I remember the rain on our skin
And his kisses hotter than the
Santa Ana winds
Whispering our goodbyes
Waiting for a train
I was dancing with my baby
In the summer rain

I remember laughing til we almost cried
(There at station that night)
I remember looking in his eyes

Oh my love, it's you and that I dream of
Oh my love, since that day
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain

Doesn't matter what I do now
Doesn't matter what I say
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain

I can hear the whistle
Military train
I was dancing with my baby
In the summer rain
I can here him singing
Ooh "Love Is Strange"
Come dance with me baby
In the summer rain

I remember the rain pouring down
And we poured our hearts out
As the train pulled out
I can see my baby
Waving from the train
It was last time that I saw him
In the summer rain

Every time I see the lightening
Every time I hear the thunder
Every time I close the window
When this happens in the summer
Oh the night is so inviting
I can feel that you are so close
I can feel you when the wind blows
Blows right through my heart

Every night and every day now
Though I know you've gone away
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain