What Does One Do???

For the past several days now, I have had a very good friend of mine staying with Mark and I. I have mentioned her name in the past, but on this occassion, for personal reasons, I will not use her real name. I will refer to her as, Natalie. Natalie is a victim of spousal adultery.
When she initially phoned me about it...I could tell instantly that something was wrong. Not begining the conversation right off with the news, I could tell in her voice that she had been crying. After telling me what happened, the surrounding incident and the inevitable confrontation I told her to pack some of her belongings and come here to stay with Mark and I in our guest room for as long as she needed. "Removing yourself from that enviroment where the actual act happened should be your first move" is what I told her. "Mentally...It's not healthy for you to stay there."

Through our late night talks the one question that always arises from her to me is the one of "Why". I wish i had the answer to that. In all honesty, I don't think that HE can answer that completely and honestly just yet. The only thing I can assure her is that it is NOT her fault. Maybe he has insecurities that she didn't know of. Maybe,for him, it is the thrill of the chase and the thrill of being caught. The adrenaline rush of sneaking and hiding. I don't know...but I do know that it in no way reflects on her as a woman....or a good person. She is worthy of love and she is worthy of faithfullness.

So, as to not induldge her hurt and sordid details in exchange for anothers pleasure reading ....I will only elaborate on what this entire incident has had in regards to MY thoughts and feelings. Reminding me of how I use to think and feel about love,falling in love and taking the chance to open my heart to another person in that way.
I was sometimes afraid to show my vulnerability about how much I wanted to be loved,show my feelings, be held at night, someone to share my life with and someone to laugh with and cry with. I knew it would be amazing to have that. But, I also knew that I had to love myself before I could love anyone else in that manner. It took a long time for me to reach that point in my life....but I eventually did accomplish that. I learned to love myself enough to not abuse myself physically or emotionally anymore. Surrounding myself with individuals who possess positive energy and not negative was something that needed to be done. That meant letting some of the people who were occupying space in my life...go. Learning to choose who I want in my life and who I don't is all apart of that.
To get out of my own head and being there for someone else is what really makes me happy. I know it probably sounds corny and cliche'd but it's probably the most satisfying thing I do now.

I also know that I can not be involved in an "open" relationship. For one, I am insanely jealous. The other main reason is...."WHY"??? For me....involving another person in mine and Marks bedroom activities would be telling Mark that he doesn't satisfy me entirely...he's not good enough. Which is certainly not the case for us. Our uniting in that way signifies an act of "LOVE"....not SEX. It may be right for some...and that's all fine and dandy...but it's not for Me nor Mark.

The "Old Ronnie" would have given her suggestions of burning down the home,preferably with him in it. Defacing his car and any other property of his she could get her hands on. Drive down to the back woods of South Carolina and ROOT his ass. But that "Ronnie" has been laid to rest. Revenge in that respect is just not worth the time nor the energy. So,the advice I have to offer Natalie and her current situation is this.
You are beautiful,smart and deserve love. True love. You nor anyone else deserve's this.....I know you will emerge stronger than ever.....and I am here for you as a friend in whatever you may need to eventually obtain that happiness that you righfully deserve.....and I love you.