RuPaul...Say What You Want But There Is No
Mistaking That She Is Infact Beautiful

"FREE TO BE WHAT YOU WANT.......FREE TO LOVE WHO YOU NEED.........YOU KNOW YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREE"

When I was 22 years old I was crowned "MS. NUTTY BUDDY OF APRIL 1994." Yes, I was,at one time, a drag queen. Good enough to win that prize too. My hero was Suzanne Sugarbaker from Designing Women, My intent throughout the contest was too GET THAT DAMN CROWN. I ate,slept and breathed that contest. I wanted it more than air itself. I became Samantha Starr.

I had to perform 3 numbers that night. The songs i chose were. IF YOUR TARZAN, I'M JANE by Martika. POTENTIAL NEW BOYFRIEND by Dolly Parton and EDGE OF SEVENTEEN by Stevie Nicks. The comeptition was fierce. Well, some anyway. Others were dressed in "Bugga Drag" as we termed it. Meaning, "Ghetto." The one talent that i had that none of the rest had was singing. Instead of the standard lyp-synching that everyone else did, i sang mine. Which was usually kind of unheard back then . But, I think it was that little "extra" something that pushed me ahead of the rest.

I was 138 pounds then. Could fit into a size 10 without duct tape. THANK GOD!! That shit is painful. Especially when ripped off naked skin. I always used a corset and a dance belt instead of opting for the duct tape. I have always had a naturally big chest, my chest is 48 inches round,so it helped alot when forming the cleavage. All i really had to do was pull the corset very tight, stick some fake breasts down in my costume,take some Pan Stick and create a line for the cleavage, blend with powder and WAH-LAH!!!! Instant Natural looking breasts/cleavage when performing.

During my Dolly Parton number there was a guy that was seated in the very front. I could sense his shyness but also sense his intrigue. There was no doubt in my mind that this boy was straight. I decided not to go up to him and single him out by sitting on his lap and stuff because i wanted him to feel comfortable, to have a good time, to see and enjoy this fake reality i had created. I have never been one to think that just because a guy is in a gay club that he is gay. That's not true at all. Some come to the club with their gay friends to support them. It's the narrow mindedness of some assuming that because you are there you are gay that gives homosexuals a bad name. It infuriates me really. NOT EVERYONE IS GAY, PEOPLE. One can have gay friends, go out with gay friends and NOT be gay. They are with them because they love the person that their friend is. That special "thing" that had them become friends anyway. One of my best male friends is in the United States Airforce, has gone to gay clubs with me, has a girlfriend and is straight.

After i won the contest that night, my friends and I were pulled over by the city police because i happened to be driving without my head lights on. Don't Ask!!! I told them that it was dark outside and they kept telling me that I was fine. That my eyes were messed up from all the lights and smoke inside the club. Turns out, it was dark because I didnt have any head lights on. LMAO. The cops were "VERY FRIENDLY" when we were first pulled over. They were leaning in the window smiling and being so sweet. That was until I had to show my drivers license that showed the true picture of myself. That of a man. LOL. Nothing like, flirting with what appears to be a "girl", crown on her head, telling you she just won a beauty contest and finding out she is infact a man. LMAO. He, the cop, was horrified. He threw the license back at me, told me to turn my lights on and go HOME. Hilarious. He was too scared to even give me a ticket.

I stopped doing shows soon there after. It wasn't me. I was starting to put weight on very rapidly. I couldnt deal with all the snide catty remarks from the other "Queens" about that. But, honestly, it wasn't what i wanted to be. I was a man. I was glad to be a man. I didn't want to be a woman. I think for such a long time, i tried soo hard TO BE GAY. I didn't want to be perceived as a limp wristed nelly, because in truth I'm not. It's ok if thats what you are naturally, I'm not saying that at all, I'm just saying it wasn't the true me. I think that every confused gay guy goes through that "Ugly Duckling" faze. Wanting to escape and hide behind a painted face. Someone else. Another character you know. I had some good times during that phase of my life. I met some great people. I loved the crown, i must admit. LOL. But, i like my "MR. LEATHER BEAR 2000" award much better.

Me Today...Finally Comfortable In My own Skin