What's My Biggest Fear??

Alrighty people!!! Here is a true story that has happened to me just a few moments ago. Everyone has a FEAR of something right??? Some people have fears of spiders, dogs, some people are even fearful of close confined spaces.....my ULTIMATE FEAR is a SNAKE.

I have been fearful of these creatures for as long as my fat ass can remember. NOW...I have just had a VERY VERY CLOSE ENCOUNTER with a snake. Actually it was TOO FUCKINGg Close. Nope, it wasn't at a zoo, not in a cage either, not even on television....my encounter was while i was SITTING ON THE GOD DAMN TOILET trying to take a shit!!!!!

Picture it. Ronnie in the bathroom.....ass all on the toilet, trying to take a shit (oh come on people all of us do it), head phones on. Passing time until I am finished and then i felt something on my feet/edge of my toes. Now, my first instinct was to shoo what i thought was a fly away.....as i looked down there went a gray snake across my feet and from there going under the standing clothes hamper. All I could manage to do was one thing......SCREAM!!!!!. Of course, Nobody was here at home but myself and the cat and my first thought was not for myself but for my cat, Velvet who was outside by the door. I knew that I couldnt open the door and take a chnace on this snake getting out and biting Velvet out of fear. So, after i screamed, I paused....took a deep breath and watched the snake come from out under the hamper and head to the side of the bath room sink. This was my chance.
I opened up the door, ran out of the bathroom naked and went to the phone. Calling someone to come here and get this fucking snake out of my house. My big bull dyke of an Aunt (Betty May, can you tell I am from the country) was a few houses down and as I called and tried to tell her what happened, all i could manage to say was "Snake...my bathroom." She said "Keep your eyes peeled and I will be right over".

She drove into the driveway honking her horn but I was not about to move and take a chance on the snake escaping. He appeard to be under the throw down rug that layed near the sink.
She opened her trunk and removed a shovel and entered. All I could do was point in the direction to where I thought he laying/hiding. Placing both hands on my shoulders and staring me in the face she said..... "Ronnie....relax, I am going to need your help with this.....Can you do this???" I told her.... I Don't Know...This fucking shit is like Fear Factor for me....I can deal with anything but a god damn snake". She said...."NO....I need to KNOW that You can help me do this." Wearily I replied.."YES, i CAN do this".

I went outside and grabbed Mark's shovel from out in the shed while she stood guard. Bringing the shovel back in, she used one shovel to scoop under the throw down rug and placed the other shovel on top and scopped it up and we bolted outside....

Only to get outside and unearth the matts to find......NO FUCKING SNAKE..... Yep the snake had gotten away while we blinked or something. Hell if I know...all I know was he was NOT there. After finding no snake my Aunt had the NERVE to say to me...."Ronnie...there is no snake here in with these rugs....are you sure you saw a snake?" I replied "I am POSITIVE, SWEAR To GOD I did."
My Aunt stated..."Ronnie...you aren't using any kind's of drugs again are You??". Party of laughing.....ONE!!! I swear on everything that I love that there was a damn snake. It was grey, had black markings on his back. It wasn't very wide but it was very long

So, here I sit...locked in the bedroom with Velvet....waiting for Mark to come home and do something...or call someone to come do something. I will NOT leave my room until it has been found, removed and destroyed. I have brought a pitcher of Kool-Aid in the room. Along with food, my cat, his food and water and if I have to use the bathroom??? Well, it will be outside the window here. Sorry, That's the way it is.