OK...So Last Nights Post Was Rather Depressing....

I Can Explain....I Can Explain. I Have Been Literally Running Myself To The Nill Preparing For Mark And I Ceremony. EVERYTHING Has To Be Perfect For Your Big Day. Right? My Biggest Problem Is When Things Do Not Or Are Not Going As They Have To Be. I Explode. It's A Problem That I Have Been Trying To Work On. My Therapist Says That I Am An "Over Achiever." I Literally Stay Up Until The Wee Hours Of The Morning THINKING About What It Is I Have To Do The Next Day. If I Think Of Something That Needs To Be Done And Can Be Done THEN, I Get Out Of Bed And I Do It.

I Have Always Had An Obsessive Compulsive Behavior Pattern That Has Led To Many Mistakes In My Life. Couldn't Take Just One Or Two Pain Pills, Or Place One Thing Onto My Credit Card. It Had To Be In Abundance. I Am A Total Extremist. Some May Think Going To A Therapist Means That You Are Crazy, OR Shows That You Are Not Strong Enough To Deal With Your Problems On Your Own. I Do Not Feel That Is The Case. I Know That I Am A Strong Person. But I Can Use The Help Too. I Have Proven Many Times Over That I Am Not Entirely Great At Making The Wisest Of Decisions Solo.

I Just Returned From Kelly's, My Therapist. We Discussed This Problem And A Few Others. I Explained To Her That I Am Trying To Work On My response Issues Everyday To Much Dismay Or Dissatisfaction. She Aided Me With Some Vital Tools That I Need. So, Starting Today When Something Does Not Go As I Plan, I Will Not Over React, Explode And Try To Fix It. ( We Found That's Another Problem I Have, Being MR. FIX IT.) Instead, I Am Going To Embrace The Unexpected, Study It from All Aspects And Maybe Learn That It Reared It's Head For A Reason And Parts Of It I May Incorporate Into The Final Outcome Of The Situation Or Project.

I Swear, Mark Has To Be That True MAN OF STEEL To Even Deal With My Fucked Up Ass. I Envy The Fact That For Him, When Drama Emerges, He Does Not Freak Out. Instead, He Has This "Well That's Life Attitude". That Method Of Reacting Totally Blows My Mind. He Is A Great Man. Well, I Need To Close For Now, I Should Message Text Mark And Remind Him That I Do Love Him Very Much.